Have you ever had a song hit you in a soul-crushing sort of way? At the moment Debussy's Clair de Lune is doing that to me. It's simple beauty is torturing me in an exquisite way.
I turned on Pandora this afternoon to a classical station to drown out some background noise. I was on a tight deadline and had a couple of documents that needed to be finalized. Somewhere towards the end of my work the lilting notes of Debussy came on and, well, for lack of a less melodramatic phrase, crushed me. My chest got tight. I put it on hold, finished the document, and buzzed out of my cubicle to take care of loose ends, trying to shake the song off. But the melody was stuck in my head, and I hummed it to myself around the office, and hummed it more on my walk home, as I started to craft this post in response to the song, myself, and the week I have had.
This week I found myself repeating, "Life is about managing expectations, yours and other people's." I still think it's true, but I've also been saying to myself as a protective charm. Sometimes getting your expectations set straight is not exactly what you had hoped for.
As I walked home today I was thinking about who I am, how I project myself in the world, and how other people interpret and respond to me. I realized that we are all a little like pieces of art, be it paintings, photography, poetry, other forms that do not start with the letter "p." We put ourselves out there with certain intentions, but people react to you because of what is in them. When you look at a painting, you do not react solely based on the painting, but because it strikes a chord with you.
I think that is the same with people. Last night I went to a friend's birthday party and caught up with a friend who I don't know very well and who just returned from spending several months in Europe. He was one of those people I met and we were instantly friends. Sometimes you luck out and meet someone and it's as if your inner selves see each other and know each other and give each other a big hug. Sometimes it's harder to figure out what the other person is thinking, even if you know there is affection there.
My point is, if I have one, is that you do not always know how other people are responding to you. Sometimes you have to ask or present your honest opinion of them to them and hope for an honest reply. It is not easy being honest, but I think it is important to try. That is my long, rambling, vague way of talking about why the melancholic music of Debussy made my throat catch today. And also for me to try and inarticulately work through some feelings rolling around my head and my heart. Thanks for listening. Here's Debussy to take us out into our weekends...
NSFW, but:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90ThWDQqQhg
You are my kind of people. I think most people interpret and respond to you as the fantastic person you are, although I do believe you need some more Mink Stole in your life.
Posted by: Natasha | February 10, 2012 at 09:27 PM
Ha, that is the greatest video link ever. Thank you. You're my kind if people too.
Posted by: Claire Helene | February 11, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Claire,
You've always shown me your heart and it's a great one. I love you!
shb
Posted by: Sharon | February 11, 2012 at 01:37 PM
Oh course you two are two people I was instantly friends with. Thank you. I'm so lucky to have you both in my life. xoxo
Posted by: Claire Helene | February 11, 2012 at 10:00 PM